This is a rush transcript from “Gutfeld!,” July 26, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dave Koresh, you’re not ever thinking, Oh, we should get the Branch Davidians on the committee too. So to get their perspective,
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LAURA INGRAHAM, FOX NEWS HOST: it’s like insanity can take a night off at the 7:00 p.m. over there. Oh boy. That’s all the time we have tonight. Remember freedom matters on the Web site. “GUTFELD!” next.
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GOV. ANDREW CUOMO (D-NY): We cannot now go back to where we were and I am telling you as I sit here. I have told you the facts on COVID from day one. Whether they were easy, whether they were hard, I told you the truth.
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GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes, you’ve told us the truth about everything. Except for the part about the nursing homes and the women. Whips.
Here we go. There comes the camera. Happy Monday, everyone. What a great show we have. Kat is back after her life saving surgery. Now Kat, let’s try to treat this liver better than the last one.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Oh boy.
GUTFELD: That hobo fought long and hard to keep it. And Sandra Smith is back. Good to see her. Given her wild weekend. Wow.
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GUTFELD: You’re welcome. I didn’t know you spoke two languages. And we have a new first time guest. Aysha Hosni, did I get it? What was she thinking? She’ll be firing her agent in the first break. All right, tonight’s topic. Oh, I know you can’t wait. Suicide. Yes. No, don’t turn the channel until you hear me out. Especially when you consider what else is on. I mean, what could Brian Williams be talking about anyway, the Olympics?
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Again, I’m Brian Williams reporting live from the Tokyo Olympic Games. Seeing these athletes compete. It reminds me of my own experience winning 39 gold medals in the late 1980s. Whether it was the decathlon, downhill skiing, or knocking out Muhammad Ali in the first round, historians said my universal appeal as an athletic specimen led to the fall of communism. Little did I know that shortly after defeating Ivan Drago in the 15-mile sprint of Mount Kilimanjaro, I would go on to become the first Olympian to finish a race with a negative time.
Sadly, I was forced to retire after the world anti-doping agency determined that my soul was a performance enhancing drug. Now back to the games.
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GUTFELD: Nice done. And what could be on CNN right now? Maybe they’re digging into the crime epidemic now that it’s affected their dining experiences.
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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How can I enjoy my pre opera champagne and S-cargo when there are drive bys happening everywhere?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes. I know what you mean. I’ve been feeling really unsafe lately when I go to pick up my caviar and my waxed Lamborghini.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I was on my way to the theater, and I saw him poor another poor. It was a midnight showing of La Mesera.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Wow.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes. Oh, and I paid Annie Leibovitz to take glamor shots of my cat and our new diamond tiara. And there was a bum defecating in the background of every single shots.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That reminds me my five-month-old was helicoptering home from baby boarding school recently. And he was late because the pilot got caught in a gang crossfire.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, you poor baby.
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GUTFELD: Now like many geniuses, I worried about the lockdown to impact on kids and teens. And I don’t even like kids or teens. For the same reason. I don’t like college students. They don’t know what they’re talking about. And they always need money. Sounds like a Democrats.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Nice red meat joke, Greg. Ready to know your audience.
GUTFELD: Thanks, God. But I think you’re lacking interaction with their peers would hurt their ability to communicate and cooperate. Plus, they forget to bathe and floss so they smell a good chunk of Gorgonzola. Just kidding, nobody flosses, right, Kat? Plus, they used (INAUDIBLE) of education. But considering what they’re being taught that could be a plus. I mean, how are they going to learn how racist they are while not learning math?
But I was holding to contrary thoughts in my head, which is already twice my capacity. On one side of my brain I believe that one size fits all regimen of school harms kids, especially in public schools which is about one step removed from factory farming. And we aren’t even getting Soylent Green out of it. The factory might pollute a stream, but schools pollute your kid’s mind. But the other side of my brain says hey, these kids are going to be ruined forever if they don’t get back to class, they’re missing out on so much.
But that really doesn’t make sense. That’s like saying to a soldier who is laying in a hospital, we’ve got to get you back to the front. You’re missing out on so much. What these students are — what are these students missing out on really? Judging by our test scores it’s not an education. It given the behavior of Teachers Unions, it’s hard to say what’s worse. School or the lockdown.
So after years of wondering about the coming mental health crisis, the CDC released data showing that suspected suicides dramatically increased among girls ages 12 to 17 in the US, compared to 2019. But oddly, and this is weird. The rate is inversely related to school closures, meaning when schools close suspected suicide attempts actually go down. Then when schools reopen, the attempts go up. It’s like children suddenly had dirt on the Clintons.
So again, schools close, suicide attempts among girls dropped and schools open they rose, then when schools close for winter vacation, the attempts plunge again. Then when the schools reopened again after that the attempt suddenly jumped. This is weird. There was no increase for boys during reopenings. But they did see the drop in lockdowns too. So all of this sounds totally counterintuitive.
But it’s not. Once you realize that suicide death rates based on decades of data show that it falls during the summer and Christmas vacation. So it’s not actually unique to the pandemic. It’s what happens when you leave school for any reason. So how do you explain this? What school sucks. And when you’re home away from school, you’re also away from the crap that preys on adolescent insecurities.
The cliques, the bullying, the need to belong. Meanwhile, at home, you aren’t forced to change for gym class in front of all the people that just made fun of you. A shout out to Kilmeade. It’s a vicious prank. Take kids when they’re least immune to peer pressure and throw them into a sea of preening piranhas who have better clothes and more money. On top of that at teachers who realize that the model of teaching is to keep it bland.
And if you’re the kid who’s unconventional or a little slower or a genius, you end up left out. The lonely kid at the cafeteria table. You think it’s a coincidence that Richard Branson, Einstein and Walt Disney all quit school at 15? I’m guessing it wasn’t the curriculum they found too difficult. Meanwhile, when you’re home with the people who love you, when you’re with them, no matter how mad mom or dad get it to, they’re not going to stop you in a locker.
So sometimes science reveals a connection between things that we always knew to be true, but couldn’t say out loud. That family is good. Peers are bad and school is a prison. So maybe Zoom classes weren’t so bad after all. And as for the kid who is eating alone at the cafeteria, I think about you a lot. Stay strong. When you’re an adult, you’ll realize the opinions of the teachers and children around you.
Now they don’t matter. High School will end and the real world their conformity is a weakness while your uniqueness is a strength. No one ever said. You know why I like that guy? He is totally average and goes along with what’s popular today. If they did, then CNN would be popular.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: If niceness where foxing, she’s a refreshing punch in the face. “AMERICA REPORTS” co-anchor Sandra Smith. She makes it her business to know everyone business. Fox News correspondent Aishah Hasnie. Yes. She’s watery, fiery and would kill you if you read her diary. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf.
And he always brings down the house to (INAUDIBLE) my massive sidekick and host of “NUFF SAID” on Fox Nation, Tyrus. Sandra, good to see you.
SANDRA SMITH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL ANCHOR: Good to see you too. Thanks for having me.
GUTFELD: You look like a highly sophisticated real estate agent.
SMITH: I know (INAUDIBLE) take off my jacket when I got, you know, kind of get into that. But I did put on my Gutfeld earrings.
GUTFELD: I like those. I like those. All right. So, you said to me before the show, I don’t understand this — what you’re getting at, Greg. My point is, I be I think that school is worse than a lockdown. Am I wrong or am I right?
SMITH: I think that’s incredibly pessimistic and sad. I see where you’re going. I see that you’re trying to connect the dots, as many have during COVID in these closures. And it’s never anything to joke about the suicide rate. Because we did highlight that there were suicides that took place during these COVID, shutdowns, kids, some of them were having a really hard time with this.
So I don’t think you can connect the dots. And they didn’t say there’s a direct correlation either. But I think it’s an interesting observation. And Greg, I think, now having listened to your monologue, I understand where you’re coming from. And the COVID shutdowns did force a lot of kids to spend a lot more time with their parents and families. And so, while you’re pointing to this happened on a lesser rate when the kids were home, under the watchful eye of their parents, don’t forget while they were home.
A lot of these parents were not going into their offices for 10, 12-hour days, and they understood more what their kids were going through. There was more communication. I think it also highlights something we talked about a lot long the pandemic way and that was parents were looking over their kid’s shoulders. What they were learning in these classrooms, what their teachers were talking about. What they were — I saw, I think there’s obvious negatives about the COVID pandemic but perhaps what you’re trying to do is highlight some sort of — about the parents at home are able to see what their kids are doing.
They are the support network. But Greg, I am long-term positive on our schools. I think there’s bad Teachers Unions, there’s bad teachers, I think, overwhelmingly, we have good schools and good teachers out there. And I hope — I hope our school systems can come around to a place where we are educating our kids better. I really do.
GUTFELD: Well, I think the conclusion from your words are that you agree 100 percent with me.
SMITH: Somewhat. Somewhat.
GUTFELD: Yes. I — Sandra kind of hits on it. You’re getting away from some of the things in school and you’re spending more time with your family.
AISHAH HASNIE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Yes.
GUTFELD: Could that be — could that be the correlation? Could that be the cause?
SMITH: I think that’s a — that’s an excellent point. I just want to say the only thing I miss about school is rectangle pizza.
HASNIE: Can I — who remembers rectangle pizza?
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: No.
SMITH: I do.
HASNIE: That plastic cheese is so much better than New York pizza. That is the only thing I miss.
GUTFELD: Wow. That is a statement. The rectangle pizza is better than your pizza?
HASNIE: I missed it so much. I wish I could find someone to send it to me.
GUTFELD: You can get it in any freezer section. I’m pretty sure.
HASNIE: — Costco after this. Look, when I was a kid growing up in Indiana, I was this like, you know, little immigrant child from Pakistan that was just trying to be cool. I was super hairy. Unibrow. It was not the time of my life. I didn’t even get to go to — I didn’t get to go to prom, can I get a boo for that? I was not to go to prom.
GUTFELD: They’re told not to boo.
TYRUS: We’re so confused right now.
GUTFELD: That is — you’re the first person I’ve ever asked the audience to boo.
HASNIE: I mean, I still deeply regret that. My mom and dad would not let me go. But even though High School was tough, I learned so much. I feel like I grew so much during that time. And now I go back. And I talked to kids in Bedford, Indiana. And I tried to do exactly this like to prevent teen suicides and — or like getting knocked up or, you know, dying of a drug overdose. There’s so many things that can go wrong.
But I think like I would advocate for the Gutfeld show to go on the road and start speaking with schools to show them —
GUTFELD: I’m not allowed near schools.
HASNIE: What life can be like.
GUTFELD: Yes. No. I agree. I agree. We are going to go on the road at some point. But we just have to deal with the legal system first.
TYRUS: Well, you do.
GUTFELD: I’m not putting on that ankle bracelet again.
SMITH: Oh my god.
TYRUS: It beats.
GUTFELD: All the time. All right, Tyrus, you have a number of children.
TYRUS: Yes, yes. Thank you for always bringing that up. But I’m an active parent. So —
TYRUS: Whatever. Here’s as a former teacher, what — we’re seeing — and you’re — actually you’re both right. And this is — this is why this is such a tough subject. For boys that’s different. Because we settle our stuff, physically in groups and stuff. And it’s a lot easier for boys to overcome bullying. And because they — it doesn’t follow them home.
TYRUS: They have to wait to the next day at recess typically. And then eventually, they all get in trouble and they become friends.
TYRUS: Girls, on the other hand, and I have three daughters. No, and I’m most — but this is where the parents have to, especially fathers have to be active roles in their daughter’s lives, when it comes to self-esteem and being able to stop because girls become hooked on likes. It’s not just over when they come to school, and their outfit doesn’t look good. Or they’re — and I didn’t go to prom either by the way.
And they’re — and someone makes fun of them or says they’re fat. They go home and they get on Facebook. And that same group of girls is now — got a picture of them going how fat is she in a scale of one to 10 and she sees all the likes or she goes, she puts a new selfie up, and no one likes it. It carries over. And unfortunately, our media, the things that we look important, the role models that we have for girls out there and no disrespect to the Kardashians.
But when you spend millions of dollars on plastic surgery and things like that, and you come on and talk about girl power and things you need to do, they can’t — they can’t get a boob job and hair extensions and nose. And that – no, but that’s what girls see.
TYRUS: And they’re passing it off as they did it through hard work. And they just had it. So when our girls see this, it’s not just school because at school, they get bullied and then it’s waiting for them when they get home. And this is where you got to be a parent. You got to see what they’re doing on social media. You got to see when your daughter’s getting picked on. You got to see when your daughter thinks it’s more important how she looks in the morning opposed to does she do her homework last night. GUTFELD: Right.
TYRUS: Those are things that we probably saw during the — and they didn’t have to do it during the pandemic. Then they go to school and those things are waiting for him. If they gained weight during the pandemic.
TYRUS: If dad lost his job and she’s wearing the same shoes that when school and the girls are like, ooh, she’s not fab, she’s not that. That’s devastating for girls and we need to do a better job, especially fathers, as reinforcing our daughters. The (BLEEP) doesn’t matter because our sons don’t care. They’ll have a pizza stay on their shirt all day and be like, what I had pizza. I love it. It’s rectangular.
GUTFELD: Square. Yes.
HASNIE: Or take a pizza.
TYRUS: Where daughters can be like, I have a stain on my shirt and we’ll hide in the bathroom all day.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. Kat, you said you were experiencing a flashback. And I want to point out that this is unique because it wasn’t drug related.
TIMPF: Right. Well, you know, might not be. Yes, I was and like I didn’t care how I looked at all, which was probably part of the problem. I want to start — I want to start a charity for hair extensions for the kids. Glad to do. But no, like, boys, you’re right, like girls, they will punch you in the soul. I have so many flashbacks. I was sitting at this lunch table where there was multi — like multiple friend groups, and it was full and Michelle came over and she’s like, oh, why doesn’t Kat just sit on the floor? Like, who draws that? That’s not OK.
GUTFELD: Why do I find that funny?
TIMPF: Oh. I got thrown out of a party.
TIMPF: I went to a party after a dance one time and everyone there had a wristband on, they were like, where’s your wristband? Oh, sorry. All the cool kids got the wristbands. You have to leave. And I was so bad. I went to my high —
HASNIE: Where are they now? Where are the cool kids?
TIMPF: Exactly. They all got pregnant at 19. And I — but — like — it’s like I’d love to say I don’t care. But I do go to my high school reunion like 10 years after. I take high school reunion like I, you know, I’ve had some success at that point. And everyone’s trying to talk to me, and I was still kind of like, oh, like it still — it still mattered.
GUTFELD: Yes, there you go. Don’t cry.
TIMPF: Oh, I don’t know. That’s just — my eyes are just bloodshot.
HASNIE: All right. I’m glad we worked our way through this topic. Yes, America. More fun. Up next. They lift the Olympic torch. But is the host network getting scorch? That’s next.
GUTFELD: Tokyo more like toki no, thank you. Bolger plus, yes, the games where the athletes are kneeling has NBC reeling from the starting gun these games haven’t been fun. On Friday. The Olympic opening ceremony drew its smallest T.V. audience in 33 years. Viewers have turned away like they were on a Jeffrey Toobin Zoom call. God since the soul games in 1988. the year I was born, Tyrus.
GUTFELD: I have so few people tuned in, but there was only 1000 spectators in the stands and half of them were there to collect urine samples. Outside the stadium protesters chanted for organizers to go to hell for holding the event despite the pandemic, which is a brilliant reason for crowding together at a public protest. That’s like covering herself and honey to protest bear attacks. Meanwhile, Germany’s women’s gymnastics, ditching the traditional bikini cut leotards.
Instead the Germans have switched to a unitard that covers so much it includes Poland. Little world war you humor.
TYRUS: Right. I got it.
GUTFELD: The German Gymnastics Federation tweeted that the unitard send a message, “against sexualization in gymnastics.” Well, I hope this sex negativity doesn’t spread to equestrian sports. Those horses are hot as (BLEEP) so far — so far the best thing about the games is this towering, frightening robot that can shoot a basketball. Built by Toyota and it stands six foot 10, just a few inches taller than me.
It uses sensors to map its distance from the basket then adjusts its and accordingly. Even more lifelike is its appetite for strippers.
TYRUS: Damn. Come on, man. Just mean today. Mean today.
GUTFELD: So let me ask you. Are we – Tyrus ambivalent about the Olympics, because we become ambivalent about our athletes overall, that there just hasn’t been — like what you see in this endless cycle of social media is all the bad stuff that we never saw 30 years ago. That we didn’t know like the, the Oakland Raiders and the Oakland A’s were just bad dudes, but they were but I mean, we now we see everything.
TYRUS: Well, woke supremacist have destroyed the Olympics because they want to send messages without understanding their audience. The Olympics was really cool in back — when we didn’t have other things. Now the United States, we have all our teams, everyone watches the NBA championship or athletes — Olympics are kind of outdated. And they’re desperately trying to still bring people in by adding events, skateboarding, three on three basketball, badminton.
Trying to bring in some kind of audience because it’s kind of it’s just an honor tradition that’s gotten old.
TYRUS: And Americans kind of moved on for it. And the only headlines that you get are negative.
TYRUS: We don’t celebrate the Olympic — the people who win the gold medals. We talk about the ones who were taking the knee.
TYRUS: And then people are like I watched the Olympics to see us against the other guys. And in America, it’s us against us.
GUTFELD: It’s so true.
TYRUS: Like you have to you have to watch teams from different countries compete, just to see a good — to see it, to enjoy it. Without all the ramifications of it.
GUTFELD: That’s so funny. It’s like you got to see France and Germany.
GUTFELD: Rather than U.S. because it’s too — it’s too complicated. Aishah, he — the one — there — the athletes are not reading the room. You know, they — I think they realize that maybe America is tired of being lectured. They just want to see sports. Could that be it?
HASNIE: I think it’s like — I think it’s actually two different things going on here. So obviously this year, this is like a — this is like a Zoom birthday party that nobody wants to go to, right?
HASNIE: Like there’s no fans. There’s no excitement around it. Like I don’t want to watch it unless there’s something a compelling story, right? That’s — my second point, is there’s no compelling story. I’m going to hate to say it but we’re living in the world of reality T.V., the Kardashians and things like that. Like I need some like Nancy Kerrigan like Tonya Harding stuff.
HASNIE: You know, I need some — I need an underdog story.
GUTFELD: Now there was conflict there.
HASNIE: There was. But like the biggest viral moment so far has been that guy from Tonga, right? Like the muscular guy with this — with the whatever he’s soaked in. I don’t know what that is.
TIMPF: I haven’t watch it but I will Google.
SMITH: I will show it to you after.
HASNIE: But like, why do we have to feel bad about not — about not watching something that’s not entertaining us? Like, let’s stop —
GUTFELD: Yes. Why do we have to feel guilty?
HASNIE: — about it? Like —
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. This isn’t like taking care of a pet, Kat. We don’t — aren’t obliged to watch the Olympics because so many people put their, you know, hours into it. Why do we have to watch it? You know.
GUTFELD: I wanted to do this segment. I’m so excited about the Olympics.
TIMPF: I — oh, I live and die for the Olympics. As you know, no, I haven’t watched any of it. I won’t. Because it is. It’s boring. You know. It’s just a bunch of people doing stuff you could never do. You know, why is that fun?
SMITH: OK. I’m going to take the other side because I think there are a million. I — while I see where you all are coming from. There are a million compelling stories out there. And for that very fact, because of all the negative headlines Gwen Berry and others turning her back to the American flag while the Star Spangled Banner was sung, it’s just incredibly devastating. Because I think it takes away from amazing stories that are out there.
I have featured them on my show. I brought two American female sailors on my show. Stephanie Roble like fighting her — for her life out there. Blood, sweat and tears. These Olympic athletes are shedding to be in the Olympics. I had on my program today, America Reports, 1:00 to 3:00. I have Lolo Jones, three-time I’m Olympian. And I asked her.
GUTFELD: I love her.
SMITH: I said — I said why do you think tripped on the hurdle in 2008? You probably all remember her. Three-time Olympian champion. She’s gone on to bobsledding and I said why do you think the Olympic viewership is at a record low like this? And she said, I had so many people come up — to me after the Gwen Berry incident. And she said that I can’t watch after that. It’s just devastating or the turning the back on the World War II veteran whether they happen or not, they turn, they watch, whatever.
But the negative headlines they hurt us. There’s also by the way, a time difference. No fans, it’s just — it’s a different —
SMITH: It’s a different —
SMITH: But I say celebrate those athletes that are out there and trying to do this and live their dream.
GUTFELD: Yes. Kat?
TIMPF: I’m just not a sports gal. OK?
TYRUS: And that’s okay.
TIMPF: I wish I was sports gal. I would enjoy more out of life if I were a sports gal. But I’m ust not, OK?
GUTFELD: Up next, he broke his story of Watergate. But now he just exaggerates.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Accused Trump of homicide, while Joe’s nonsense leads us horrified. Once respected journalist turned opinionated blowhard, Carl Bernstein, was a complete mess during the Trump years. Every day was worse than you know what.
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CARL BERNSTEIN, CNN POLITICAL ANALYST: What we are watching in the Trump presidency is worse than Watergate.
I keep getting asked, are there echoes of Watergate in this? And there are.
We’re also witnessing something we did not see in Watergate, which is a meltdown by a president who has demonstrably unhinged.
What we’re seeing is worse than Watergate.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: But this may be hard to believe he’s gotten even worse with Trump out of office.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BERNSTEIN: He is America’s, our own American war criminals of a kind we’ve never experienced before. Trump’s crimes as a — and American war criminal in his own country that he has perpetrated upon our people, including the tens of thousands of people who died because of his homicidal negligence in the pandemic, putting his own electro interests above the health of our people as they were slaughtered in this pandemic.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right, well, I guess the only way for a president to not be called a war criminal is to not start any wars, by Carl’s theory. But that’s because it’s just not about Trump, it’s about you as Columnist Aisha Sultan tweeted, “Now, we have to confront how many of our fellow citizens support a war criminal. So, now, we’re back to confronting people.” Cher can’t help herself either. These days her biggest hits are on social media.
Over the weekend, she tweeted in part, “GOP know they can’t win the democratic way, so they’ll do it by white dominance. Instead of ideas, they have hate and Trump will kill America. Kill America if we don’t win in 22.” So, the only way to beat the Republicans is to vote in the election. You say they won’t let you vote in? Doesn’t she know Trump has left the building just like her brain? Speaking of Joe Biden, while Trump is killing us, at least Biden’s incoherence will give us something to snicker about on our deathbeds.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Does immigration need to be in reconciliation? Must it be in reconciliation?
JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: (INAUDIBLE).
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I don’t know what that was. Let’s hear that again. A few more times.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Does immigration need to be in reconciliation? Must it be in reconciliation?
JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: (INAUDIBLE).
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I finally — all right, I figured it out. Kat, he was mimicking the rhythm of the question. I was trying to figure out what he was saying. But he was doing that. She was great. He was he was I think he was imitating her. Right?
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I don’t know. I really don’t know. I have no idea what he said. And nobody cares. So that’s fine. People still want to talk about Trump. When that Carl Bernstein clip. the funniest thing, by the way is that he began by saying we need to, “calmly step back,” which is really interesting to say that and then to call someone a war criminal, just like Cher’s tweet where she’s making a pretty You know allegation and has four emojis in it.
TIMPF: It doesn’t match.
GUTFELD: Emojis soften the blow. I think, Sandra, what did you make of that sound bite? The Biden sound bite.
SANDRA SMITH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: I did my homework and I listened to it over and I’m watching the lips, they do kind of match the word. So, I don’t know, I do not claim, but I love that you captured it anyway.
GUTFELD: What, what do people think he said?
TIMPF: His butt spin —
HASNIE: I can’t hear that now. Like now that I’ve seen it, I can’t unhear it.
GUTFELD: Yes, it’s like that, remember that thing, yellow or — what was that?
TIMPF: Yanni and Laurel.
GUTFELD: Yanni and Laurel, remember that thing?
TIMPF: And then also the blue dress and the gold in white dress.
TIMPF: you’re welcome.
HASNIE: It’s very divided country.
GUTFELD: But I prefer to be divided over this, right?
HASNIE: I mean, I wish I knew what the other option was.
HASNIE: All I hear is, my butt’s white.
SMITH: I think his new gripe and we caught this in his — he was talking to the Iraqi Prime Minister say, I think his new gripe is when he gets questions that are about pertaining to the topic of the moment or the topic du jour, which is laughable when you consider the questions that Donald Trump got when he was in office after delivering a speech in the economy. It was about nothing about the economy. So, that’s one of the taken.
GUTFELD: Do you worry that maybe Biden is losing a step faster than we thought? Or do you think that’s just —
SMITH: There’s no — obviously people do question his cognitive abilities? We have no evidence or proof that that has happened.
GUTFELD: Except when he talks.
SMITH: Except there are some moments that you really do watch and you do ask yourself, Is he OK?
GUTFELD: It’s, it’s like computer glitches, Tyrus, like little skips in the —
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: No, it’s bro code for help get me out. Help, get me out. Like he’s, that he knows — the progressives we’re coming for him. And every chance he gets to speak with loud, help get me out. Like — because he knows who’s coming. There’s knives everywhere like Kamala is just like this, How are we doing this morning?
So — poor guy, man, damn it, when you got to use code and you’re the president, you know, it’s bad in that office. But the whole, this whole thing about division and everybody’s at each other? And what are we going to do and what’s the other alternative and you have people like great Thespians like Cher, jumping in and telling you that you’re all going to die.
I used to like it when Republicans did the fear mongering because they actually had a real villain. If you don’t vote for us, Osama bin Laden is going to come get you. And they’d be like, oh, it’d be like in Missouri going that’s might be true, he could come to Midwest. Now, he doesn’t even, they don’t even have the energy to give us the villain.
America is going to die. And by the way, remember Watergate because I did it. Remember like every time I, you asked me a question. I was like, you know, I broke hard knocks out bench press record. The magic number 605. No matter what the question is, I bring the one great moment I had in my life. Constantly, no matter what question you ask him. So what’s your thought on you know, hurricanes and stuff?
Well, they’re worse than Watergate. And by Watergate, you know, I did break that story. Like he just can’t let go of his one hit wonder. He’s like, he’s like an artist. Like every time I want to blame it on the rain.
GUTFELD: 605 pounds.
GUTFELD: Wow. That’s a lot of weight. It’s like twice what I bench.
TYRUS: Wow. Born in 88. Benched 302 and a half pounds.
TYRUS: You’re six-foot-three.
GUTFELD: Yes. It’s amazing.
SMITH: Like a perfect dating profile.
GUTFELD: Yes. And you know what, it’s like people on T.V. they can’t notice it.
TYRUS: Just don’t swipe right with this one.
TYRUS: Or is it left, I don’t know.
GUTFELD: I don’t know. I haven’t been on Grindr in ages. All right, up next, their future might be a bummer, but at least kids are working for the summer.
GUTFELD: While grownups fear the upcoming year at least teens have money for beer. A new poll finds that the majority of Americans feel pessimistic about the country’s future over the next 12 months, as well they should. 12 months from now, we’ll be deep into the Kamala Harris presidency. I kid. Do I?
And the decline in optimism has occurred across the board among Democrats, Republicans and Independents. That’s classic Biden bringing us all together and a grim view of the future. Meanwhile, his, his numbers are nose-diving like Hunter into a pile of Peruvian Parmesan. The majority surveyed also disapproved of Biden’s handling of immigration, crime, Coronavirus, the economy and ice cream toppings.
There is hope though according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, teen unemployment is the lowest it’s been since 1953 when Nancy Pelosi was only 200 years old. Oh ages joke I’m against this this is our reopening and teens are taking advantage of the higher pay flexible hours and spending money for acne cream.
So, Gen-Z get to work and make us proud because if you don’t we’re going to harvest your organs like we did for Kat. So, Aishah, I think this is this is a good thing because the best education is work.
HASNIE: I think so. I mean — I — my first job was a Little League Soccer referee, which was by far the hardest job ever, because they don’t even know which way they’re running. And the parents are really tough. They’re awful. I mean, they’re like six year old kids running all over the place and the parents are mad at you.
But I think like when you do get a job like the earlier you get it * think it makes you more financially savvy. You know, time management skills, all of that and look like it worked out for all of us. Right? We all have teenage jobs, and now we’re on Gutfeld, so yes we worked out.
GUTFELD: A plus, b equals, C. exactly. So smattering of applause. I applaud this generation. It’s It’s nice to see some good stories about this generation because all we ever hear is you know, Gen-Z Tick tock, all that kind of stuff, but good for them getting out there.
You made me think of an idea, Susan, that Sandra Whoo, Deirdre, I’ll respond to that. Yes. What Why can’t they do a year league leave of action absence for kids to work. Would that be a great idea like in the middle of high school?
SMITH: Like a gap year. Yes, like a gap year but not for backpacking in Italy, who’s going to pay for it? suggesting to get a job. So, I mean, these, let’s keep in mind that the jobs we’re talking about are minimum wage paying, low paying.
GUTFELD: That’s exactly what they’re there for.
TIMPF: What they’re there for.
SMITH: Amen, I think they saw an opportunity. These teenagers like aged 16 to 19 to 2122 23 year olds, like kind of in college just out of college. They were the slackers kind of given up on the work environment. The 16, 17, 18-year-old saw a booming economy mom and dad had some dough. They saw cars were, you know, flying off shelves and they saw an opportunity where there were signing bonuses happening. People have signs up and windows to come in. We’ll buy you an iPhone. I mean, there’s huge opportunities for the teenage workforce out there. And by the way, as, as far as the U.S. economy, we need these people to go to work we need a work ethic in this country. So, I think it’s a great sign.
GUTFELD: Get on that wrong early they move up fast. You know, Tyrus, I — you know that I employ a lot of teams around my cadaver farm. And they work especially hard because they’re terrified. They are often the best employees you can have right, Tyrus?
TYRUS: No, no, they’re not. And I’m just going to keep it real. Has anyone dealt with any of these kids in the workforce? Because I have. And you know what, this is fair, because when I was coming up, when I got a job, and it was the old guy in the back, he’s like these damn kids today. They can’t do anything. Well, hello, I now understand where he’s coming from. I took my kids to a restaurant and it was a wait and you know, old school you take out a 20 you fold it and you’re like, how long is the wait really? Why do you have money?
SMITH: Oh gosh!
TYRUS: The entire — I became a stand-up comedian said with the audience that anyone here I was attempting to tip this dude, he had no idea with this — this is your money. You know, they take these jobs, but they don’t stay at them. I got the 18 and the 16-year-old. They’ll, they’ll get a job for about three days to get their first check because that’s all they needed to get the Roblox money and their iTunes card picked up or their new phone and then they’re out.
They there’s then there’s the group that has to work hard. But for the majority these guys who were jumping in the system like wait like 40, 40 hours? Oh, no, I can’t do that. I’m an Instagram, I have Instagram I got to do, I got this — my YouTube channel, you know, or I’m going to the unrealistic goals of what it is to be younger. So, they need to stay in school for a little while longer because just wait to hear in that line, and you see that young kid who took that job that you’re so proud of who you have to tell him how to finish doing a job.
SMITH: They got to learn somewhere.
GUTFELD: That is true. That’s why I have the cadaver farm, Sandra. Kat, do you want to talk about the optimism-pessimism?
TIMPF: Yes, sure. As a matter of fact, I will. I think it’s not surprising because the expectations were set so high. When you know Biden was declared the winner, people are out on the streets dancing, celebrating, and twerking around. And I literally hate people —
HASNIE: Twerking around?
TIMPF: Oh, yes.
TYRUS: Oh, yes.
TIMPF: I said, people said to me verbatim: “Joe Biden’s going to be the president now everything’s going to be perfect.” And I was like, are we thinking of the same guy?
TIMPF: Because I don’t know about that. But of course, they’re going to be pessimistic after that kind of setup. They really did think that.
GUTFELD: Yes, you know, you’re right. You’re absolutely right. Sold a deal of goods young lady. All right, that surgery really helped you out.
TIMPF: Thank you. Good to be back.
GUTFELD: You’re starting to think clearer. Who knew that it was the sinuses that were clogged? All right. Up next, will A.I. help brokenhearted chat with their dearly departed?
GUTFELD: Will we see a new wave of robots from the grave. Joshua Barbeau wrote in the San Francisco Chronicle about how he dealt with the death of his fiance, which was of course to program a chat bot with her old messages and information so he could continue to talk to something that sounded exactly like her. Barbeau said, the software called Project December worked really well. At least it’s cheaper than hiring rich little, a joke for our audience. But experts warn the technology can also be dangerous because it makes it easier to launch really convincing mass information campaigns. But hey, it’s like my grandfather always used to say, Greg, why are you standing over me with a pillow? Kat.
GUTFELD: After you have killed your husband, well you do this?
TIMPF: I would never kill my husband who would like you know, I it’s nice. He makes things nice.
TIMPF: He helps out a lot. What a great guy. I’m serious, but also I don’t think it’s fair to do this at all because people change as time goes on. Like, if I died five years ago and there was a chat bot of me, it wouldn’t be the way that I am now. I think that I’d become better mostly probably because he does things for me now. But yes, it’s not fair because you’re not going to be the same person.
GUTFELD: There’s a couple promises: one, this is a black mirror episode so I’m questioning whether in fact this is real or this person just stole this idea, Sandra. The other thing too is the dead don’t have any say in this, like what if it’s someone that is making you know, a chat bot after you pass away isn’t really somebody you loved?
SMITH: I don’t know. What do you think about that, Greg? That’s inside joke. No, I think —
GUTFELD: Flashback. And not a drug related one.
TIMPF: Are you sure?
SMITH: Am I the only one who thinks that this is incredibly sweet?
GUTFELD: I mean, I think it’s sweet but weird.
HASNIE: A little obsessive.
SMITH: Is it a little obsessive? I don’t know. They miss their spouse that much.
GUTFELD: It’s a fiance. This is my point. Yes, maybe, you know what, they weren’t married that’s what I find strange.
HASNIE: I’m into it.
GUTFELD: Yes. Are you, how so?
HASNIE: I’m into it. I mean, like I want to know like how people like J.Lo, right? Lord of the Rings can, keep getting married, keep getting engaged and I’m over here, I still have not met the one I would spend my millions after I make my millions, after I become famous after the show. I wouldn’t want millions not on going to space, Sandra, but I would spend it on an A.I. husband.
SMITH: Wow, Aishah, we learned something today.
GUTFELD: That is a sitcom. AI Husband.
TIMPF: (INAUDIBLE) like a normal person.
SMITH: There’s a thing with you share a bank account with a spouse or something like that. You have to get that person on the phone. So, are they, is that the warning about misinformation?
GUTFELD: Yes. That’s what it is.
SMITH: Then you could tap into that chat bot with old messages.
GUTFELD: That’s what it is, that’s what they’re worried about because you can actually use people who are dead to get into their stuff, Tyrus. You don’t like this. I can see by your face.
TYRUS: No, I don’t.
GUTFELD: Is that why you don’t like me?
TYRUS: Because I know my kids would hate me. They would do it because they would miss their moms. And then while their moms were talking they would be turning the volume down. What, I didn’t want to hear her when she was here, why would I want to — oh, tell her guys, everyone tell the truth. The last thing you want is everything that was great about your spouse is underground or in a can somewhere?
TYRUS: This is my time, you hear me. All that’s left is the nagging, and questioning. Like you’re 15 minutes late from work today, Tyrus.
GUTFELD: Oh my God!
TYRUS: Like, hey, did you do this? Did you make do this? Wow.
GUTFELD: All right. That was my favorite topic.
SMITH: Oh boy, should’ve led with that.
GUTFELD: Next time, don’t go away. We’ll be right back.
GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Sandra Smith, Aishah Hasnie, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld, I love you America.
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