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Cindy Lange-Kubick: ‘She’s like a mom to all of us now. She’s taken this sorrowful thing in her life and turned it into a gift for others’

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Kim McLaughlin

Kim McLaughlin and her son Patrick with his new baby sister Shelly. Patrick was always a big kid and his mop of golden hair inspired his grandma to buy him a doll that looked like him, now shared in his memory with countless friends and family members.

Kim McLaughlin

Kim McLaughlin in front of the memorial to Patrick McLaughlin on the wall of Zeta Psi fraternity near the outdoor patio created in his memory near Nebraska Wesleyan.

Kim McLaughlin

Patrick McLaughlin’s sister Shelly McLaughlin Jordan (left), and dad Rich McLaughlin at the Patrick M. McLaughlin Zeta Psi Memorial Golf Tournament that raised money for scholarships and a “Patty-O” at the Nebraska Wesleyan fraternity.

Kim McLaughlin

A memorial to Nebraska Wesleyan graduate Patrick McLaughlin hangs on the wall of Zeta Psi fraternity near the outdoor patio created in his memory near Nebraska Wesleyan. McLaughlin died in 2006 when a virus attacked his heart.

Kim McLaughlin

A memorial to Patrick McLaughlin hangs on the wall of Zeta Psi fraternity near the outdoor patio created in his memory near Nebraska Wesleyan. 

Kim McLaughlin

Kim McLaughlin holds a Beanie Baby that resembles her son Patrick which family calls the Patty doll. 

Kim McLaughlin

A memorial to Patrick McLaughlin hangs on the wall in Zeta Psi fraternity at Nebraska Wesleyan near the AED that was paid for with his memorial money, one of many scattered around campus.

Cindy Lange-Kubick

Patrick’s mom pours her morning coffee into the green travel mug.

The mug with all those baby names etched on the side.

Jonathan Patrick Ashburn.

Brody Patrick Hiatt.

Brooks Patrick Hudson.

Cameron Patrick Swaroff.

Austin Patrick Jordan.

“There’s a story behind all of those Patricks,” Kim McLaughlin says. “I have a million Patricks.”

The first name on that cup is her Patrick: Patrick Michael McLaughlin.

Kim and Rich’s firstborn. A big baby. A big kid. A big young man.

Six-foot-5, his autopsy said. Gentle giant, his friends said.

Patrick died on a June Saturday. He’d graduated from Nebraska Wesleyan that spring. On Wednesday, he golfed with his dad and made six birdies, even though he wasn’t feeling his best. On Friday, Kim took him to the hospital, clammy and weak. You’re dehydrated, his nurse mom said.

The 22-year-old didn’t get better. He had viral myocarditis. A virus had attacked and weakened his heart. The priest came.

He’d be 37 now.

The year he died — 2006 — his little sister Shelly had just graduated from Lincoln Pius X. She’s married and lives in Kansas City now. Austin Patrick Jordan arrived 18 months ago — the last of the little Patricks etched on that travel mug — and Baby 2 is due in October.

Kim retired from the health center at Nebraska Wesleyan on Friday. The registered nurse was the center’s assistant director for 23 years.

She loved her job, but it felt like the right time, she said.

She left a mark on Wesleyan.

“She’s so invested in everything that mattered to Patrick,” said Shelley Kuzma, housemother at Zeta Psi, Patrick’s fraternity. “You can’t go into any of the major buildings on campus without seeing an AED and Pat’s memorial.”

Kim began teaching CPR in 1998 and helped get an AED installed in Wesleyan’s Weary Center, where the school’s athletes trained and competed.

“They were the new thing then,” she says. “We needed them everywhere, but there wasn’t a budget.”

Patrick’s memorial money helped change that. It paid for an Automated External Defibrillator — an AED — in the theater building and one in the library. One in the student center. Another in Smith-Curtis. Another in Elder Memorial. Eight in all.

The devices are stowed in white metal boxes attached to the wall. There’s a plaque above each one, a baby-faced young man in a green plaid shirt: In loving memory of Patrick M. McLaughlin 1984-2006. Forever in our hearts.

That plaque hung in Kim’s office, too.

When Dawn Tassemeyer started working at the center, she noticed it. She asked Patrick’s mom to tell her more.

“I just sobbed,” the nurse practitioner says. “But she could share the whole story and get through it.”

Cindy Lange-Kubick: Son clutches Dad’s red pillow to his heart and wears a scar to match

Here’s how she sees the story of Kim. “How the faith and love of a mother can have such a ripple effect to those around her and beyond. She may never know how many lives she has touched … but I know it is many.”

Dawn is a mom, too. Her kids are still at home and Kim reassured her through the bumps of raising them by telling Patrick stories.

“I’m full of stories,” Kim says.

There’s the story of the Patty Doll. The pint-sized Beanie Baby wearing nothing but plaid shorts and a mop of curly hair. Golden like Patrick’s was when he was a little.

His Grandma Dee gave him a Patty Doll when he turned 16, Kim says. She stuffed a few dollars in the back of those shorts in case he needed cash for the drive-through or to help out a homeless person.

“When Patrick died, my sister went and bought every Patty Doll in the United States,” Kim says. “We gave them to all the pallbearers.”

She handed them out to Patrick’s many friends and his fraternity brothers.

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She gave one to this reporter, a dollar bill tucked inside, just in case.

And then there’s the Pat Tat.

The three-leaf clover with a golf club stem designed by Patrick’s good friend Andy Bahm. The logo for the Patrick M. McLaughlin Zeta Psi Golf Tournament that raised money in Patrick’s name for five years.

Kim has a Pat Tat on her right ankle. Sister Shelly has one, too. It’s stamped on golf towels and golf balls and bracelets.

It’s there — big and green and glowing at night — on the back wall of the Zeta House, where funds from the golf tournament paid for the big patio they call the Patty-O. You can wear a temporary Pat Tat on St. Patrick’s Day, too, Patrick’s favorite holiday.

Happy Me Day, he called it.

And then there’s the eight years of Patrick M. McLaughlin scholarships. A thousand dollars for a fraternity brother who best exemplified Patrick’s spirit.

They had to have at least a 3.2 GPA, Kim says. But it couldn’t be higher than 3.5. Never a 4.0.

That wasn’t Patrick.

“He didn’t care about his grades. As long as he got a 3.2 to get the State Farm insurance discount, that’s all that mattered.”

Pat cared more about his friends and family. He had his mom’s sense of humor and his dad’s love of golf.

When he went to the hospital, dozens of his friends crowded the waiting room and his bedside. Squeezing his hand. Saying goodbye.

The brilliance of the Belmont TRACKS Scholars shines on the big screen

He knew CPR.

Now all of his fraternity brothers do, too. Kim taught most of them. At her retirement party, they tried to count the number of people she’d trained in CPR. They stopped at 1,000. Pat’s memorial money bought six CPR training mannequins.

And the AEDs spread through campus. All the Wesleyan fraternities and sororities have them now.

“Kim, through Pat, has touched so many people,” said Andy Bahm, creator of the Pat Tat. “It’s pretty incredible.”

Andy went to high school with Patrick and stayed close through college. The McLaughlin house was where all the buddies went to hang out.

Kim loved to grill for them, lining tables with food in a backyard where no grass could get a foothold from all the kids tromping around.

“We all have felt so comfortable there our whole lives,” Andy said. “The most telling thing about Kim is that after Patrick passed, I spent more time in the McLaughlin household than I did before.”

Every Sunday for a year after Patrick’s death, Patrick’s friends gathered for dinner at his house. They brought girlfriends. Girlfriends became wives. Babies started to arrive, little boys with the middle name Patrick.

Kim would stand at the grill — or her giant smoker — feeding them, hugging them.

“She’s like a mom to all of us now,” Andy says. “She’s taken this sorrowful thing in her life and turned it into a gift for others, it’s awesome.”

They are with her in spirit each June 26 at 9:14 p.m., the moment Patrick left this world. They’ll tip a shot of Captain Morgan in his honor and then Kim and Rich will hear their phones begin to ding, toasting their fun-loving son.

“He was a lot of fun,” Kim said. “You can’t live at our house if you’re not fun.”

Kim is at the Zeta house Friday. She’s wearing a Kelly green blouse under her jean jacket, her tattoo hidden under blue jeans.

She has her green travel mug. She has a Patty Doll.

She talks about the memorial bench at the cemetery, signed by all of Patrick’s friends, with plots for her and Rich nearby.

She talks about friends whose daughter died two years before Patrick, and sitting at the funeral thinking: How can they go on?

“After Patrick died, they were the first ones at our door to let us know we were going to be OK.”

Now Patrick’s mom is that person. The mom who can say it will get easier to other grieving parents. The mom who can say, grieve well. The mom who can say one day you will celebrate more than you mourn.

Kim’s mom died in January. Grandma Dee. The Patty Doll grandma. Kim tells another story about a photo of Patrick, the hugger, with his arms around Grandma Dee.

She remembers telling him: Be careful, don’t break Grandma.

She laughs about that.

Her big, big-hearted son.

When people ask Kim about her kids, she always says the same thing. I have two children. One in Kansas City and one in heaven.

And if they want to know more about that kid in heaven — the one who left such a legacy on earth with a boost from his mom — then Kim has a question for them: You got a couple of days?

Top Journal Star photos for April

Cyclists at Pioneers Park

Cyclists at Pioneers Park

Cyclists bike at Pioneers Park on Tuesday, April 20. Several activities are planned for National Bike Month in May.

JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

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Josh Swain (left) declares Lincoln native four-year-old Joshua Vinson Jr. the ultimate Josh after the Josh fight took place in an open green space at Air Park on Saturday, April 24, 2021, in Lincoln, Nebraska. What started as a mid-pandemic joke took on life Saturday, as a mixed bag of individuals sharing only their name came to battle it out. The winner was to be declared the rightful owner of the name. KENNETH FERRIERA, Journal Star

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Multiple people with the name Josh, and some Josh imposters, duked it out with pool noodles in a large scale battle royale to find out who is the rightful owner of the name Josh in an open green space in Air Park on Saturday, April 24, 2021, in Lincoln, Nebraska. What started as a mid-pandemic joke took on life Saturday, as a mixed bag of individuals sharing only their name came to battle it out. The winner was to be declared the rightful owner of the name. KENNETH FERRIERA, Journal Star

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Wisconsin Morgan Kummer (front left) celebrates with Ally Miklesh (back left) and Peyton Bannon after a homerun in the fourth inning against Nebraska on Sunday, April 25, 2021, at Bowlin Stadium. KENNETH FERRIERA, Journal Star

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Lincoln Southwest’s Quintin Kniss (7) takes a shot on the goal while guarded by Lincoln Southeast’s Tyson Klein in the first period on Thursday, April 22, 2021, at Seacrest Field . KENNETH FERRIERA, JOURNAL STAR

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Audrey Mason gets close to photograph booming tulips at Sunken Gardens, Thursday, April 22, 2021. Warming temperatures will continue into the weekend, with a Sunday high forecasted to reach 74 degrees. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

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Pius X hurdlers Kate Campos (left) and Anna Vedral pose for a portrait, Wednesday, April 21, 2021, at Aldrich Field. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

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Lead teacher Nadya Mercedes Sanchez plays with Cadet Stabler, 1, Wednesday, April 21, 2021, at Community Action K Street Head Start Center. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

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Blossoming crabapple trees frame a student on the University of Nebraska – Lincoln city campus on Monday, April 19, 2021. GWYNETH ROBERTS, Journal Star

GWYNETH ROBERTS, Journal Star

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Quincy, an 11-month-old boarder collie, looks over choice bones during the I Love My Dog Expo at the Lancaster Event Center on Sunday, April 18, 2021.  KENNETH FERRIERA, JOURNAL STAR

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A young fan cheers on the Huskers during a Nebraska Football Practice on Saturday, April 17, 2021, at Memorial Stadium. KENNETH FERRIERA, JOURNAL STAR

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Lincoln North Star senior Ashley Alvarado dances as her classmates look on Saturday, April 17, 2021, in the commons area of the school. Two hundred students were expected at the annual high school event.

FRANCIS GARDLER, Journal Star

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Dr. Derrick Nero of the University of Nebraska at Omaha (bottom right, kneeling) helps members of the school’s Invention and Innovation in Engineering Education class inflate a weather balloon with helium Saturday at the Strategic Air Command and Aerospace Museum near Ashland.

FRANCIS GARDLER, Journal Star

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Lincoln Southwest baserunner Ethan Morrow creates a cloud of diving into home as a Lincoln Southeast wild pitch allows him to score from third base in the fourth inning Thursday at Densmore Field. Southwest won 7-4.

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Lincoln High goalkeeper Andres Moreno (00) makes a first-half save on a shot on Wednesday, April 14, 2021, at Seacrest Field. FRANCIS GARDLER, JOURNAL STAR

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Leaves are returning to tree branches as the warming weather brings people out to Holmes Lake Park, Tuesday, April 13, 2021. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

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Registered nurse Anne Kingsley administers a dose of the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine on Wednesday, April 14, 2021, during a Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services drive-thru clinic at the Gateway Mall. About 1,000 shots were expected to be administered from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. to those who registered for the vaccine through the Lincoln-Lancaster County Health Department. FRANCIS GARDLER, Journal Star

FRANCIS GARDLER

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Red and yellow tulips soak up the sun in the Sunken Gardens on Tuesday, April 13, 2021. GWYNETH ROBERTS, Journal Star

GWYNETH ROBERTS, Journal Star

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Nebraska’s Billie Andrews (left) avoids the tag by Illinois’ Katie Wingerter as she steals second base in the third inning on Friday, April 9, 2021 at Bowlin Stadium. KENNETH FERRIERA, JOURNAL STAR

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Waverly’s Trevor Brown competes in shot put during the Waverly Invitational, Friday, April 9, 2021. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

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Flowers bloom on a crabapple tree at Holmes Lake on Monday, April 12, 2021. GWYNETH ROBERTS, Journal Star

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Nebraska’s Jaxon Hallmark (2) fails to get a glove on the ball hit by Maryland’s Luke Shliger for a double in the fourth inning on Friday, April 9, 2021, at Haymarket Park. FRANCIS GARDLER, JOURNAL STAR

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A person walks in the rain outside Lied Center, Thursday, April 8, 2021. After a rainy Thursday, the sunny weather is forecasted to return starting from Friday. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

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Lincoln Southwest’s Carson Truax (left) picks up the baton from teammate Cora Scott during unified track and field meet, Wednesday, April 14, 2021, at Lincoln Southwest. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

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Lincoln East’s Admir Mujkic (left) received a foul for a high kick near the face of Lincoln High’s Jaden Weiland in the second half Wednesday at Seacrest Field.

FRANCIS GARDLER, JOURNAL STAR

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Lincoln East’s Brayden McPhail (right) reacts after kicking the game-winning penalty past Lincoln High goalkeeper Owen Thompson (not shown) on Wednesday at Seacrest Field. Thompson had saved McPhail’s original attempt, but was judged to have come off his line before McPhail struck the ball.

FRANCIS GARDLER, JOURNAL STAR

Top Journal Star photos for April

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Nebraska’s Cam Chick (29) steals third base as the throw from Maryland catcher Justin Vought gets past the Terps’ third baseman, allowing Chick to score in the third inning Saturday at Haymarket Park.

FRANCIS GARDLER, Journal Star

Top Journal Star photos for April

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Nebraska’s Joe Acker (5) reacts after beating the tag to score the Huskers’ third run against Maryland in the fifth inning Friday at Haymarket Park.

FRANCIS GARDLER, JOURNAL STAR

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The cap of Papillion-La Vista’s Gage Ingram (23) comes off in the gusty wind as he looks to turn the double play against Lincoln Southwest’s Telo Arsiaga to end the inning on Friday, April 2, 2021, at Den Hartog Field. FRANCIS GARDLER, Journal Star

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Nader Farahbod flambés a dish while preparing a to-go order at Billy’s Restaurant on Friday, April 2, 2021. Farahbod used the majority of his covid relief funds on to-go containers and cleaning supplies. Though his dining room is open, the majority of his business is still to-go. KENNETH FERRIERA, Journal Star

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Seward’s Kalen Knott clears 12 feet 9 inches on his way to winning the boys pole vault on Thursday, April 1, 2021, at the Norris Invitational. GWYNETH ROBERTS, Journal Star

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Lincoln East’s Paige Poppe (center) celebrates her game-tying goal in the closing seconds of regular time against Lincoln Southwest on Wednesday, April 7, 2021, at Seacrest Field. FRANCIS GARDLER, Journal Star

FRANCIS GARDLER

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Doane University student Macy Fuller gets ready to receive a COVID-19 vaccine shot from registered nurse Kate Lange, the emergency response coordinator at Public Health Solutions District Health, during a vaccine clinic hosted on-campus, Wednesday, April 7, 2021. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

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A view of Nebraska’s football practice, Wednesday, April 7, 2021, at Hawks Championship Center. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

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Lincoln North Star shortstop Cooper Westlund (1) catches the shallow pop-up by Lincoln Southwest batter Jacob Oehm for the third out in the first inning on Tuesday, April 6, 2021, at Den Hartog Field. FRANCIS GARDLER, Journal Star

FRANCIS GARDLER

Top Journal Star photos for April

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Alayna Ring (left), 4, and her brother Carson Ring, 5, push Carsen Hagler (center), 5, at the swings at Oak Lake Park, Monday, April 5, 2021. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

Top Journal Star photos for April

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People take advantage of a warm day to kayak, fish and walk at Holmes Lake on Monday, April 5, 2021. GWYNETH ROBERTS, Journal Star

GWYNETH ROBERTS, Journal Star

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Nebraska’s Taylor Christopulos dismounts from the rings on Saturday, April 3, 2021, during the Big Ten Gymnastics Championships at Devaney Sports Center. FRANCIS GARDLER, Journal Star

FRANCIS GARDLER

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Norsfyre traveling circus performers Jade Korn (top) and Alyssa Ranard practice flow art using silk fans at Holmes Lake Park on Saturday, April 3, 2021. KENNETH FERRIERA, Journal Star

KENNETH FERRIERA, Journal Star

Top Journal Star photos for April

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Fin Anderson (left) and Isaiah Liess scour the grass for colorful Easter eggs on Saturday, April 3, 2021, during the annual egg hunt at Tierra Briarhurst Park. The event, which brought together over 100 children, was sponsored by the Tierra Park Neighborhood Homeowners Association. FRANCIS GARDLER, Journal Star

FRANCIS GARDLER

Top Journal Star photos for April

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Firefighters respond to a call at 1626 D Street, Thursday, April 1, 2021. JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

JUSTIN WAN, Journal Star

Top Journal Star photos for April

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Lincoln Lutheran’s Will Jurgens competes in the prelims of the boys 200 meter dash on Thursday, April 1, 2021, at the Norris Invitational. GWYNETH ROBERTS, Journal Star

GWYNETH ROBERTS, Journal Star

Reach the writer at 402-473-7218 or clangekubick@journalstar.com.

On Twitter @TheRealCLK

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